The Government Manual for New Pirates

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Press:Andrews McMeel Pub Andrews McMeel Publishing (April 1, 2007)
Publication Date:2007-4
Author Name:Brozik, Matthew David/ Weinstein, Jacob Sager


Matthew David Brozik and Jacob Sager Weinstein continue to spoof those über-utilitarian survival and how-to guides by offering this pithy pirating primer for budding buccaneers. 
This treasure trove of Pirate Code imparts wisdom on eye patches and tricorner hats, talking the talk, walking the walk (down the plank, that is), appropriate ship names, dueling, avoiding cursed treasure, and much more.


Humor & Entertainment,Humor,Parodies,Satire

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Comment List (Total:10)

  •     a total waste of money. shouldn't have listened to the reviews. it's not even entertaining like some said. it only had five pirate words. i'm writing a pirate book. this is useless for what i need. i should have gotten the book with the bad reviews. donating it to library. should burn it. hate to waste a match. ol' Buckeye.
  •     In the third outing of the Government Manual to New (Superheroes, Wizards, Pirates) we learn how to be... well a new pirate. You'll learn many things like how to dress, amount of rum you need, picking out a crew, rum, selecting a ship, parrots, the proper conjugating of verbs, rum, naming your ship, where to find treasure, where to hang out as a pirate, and where to find rum. Do not be distracted by movies involving undead monkeys or bursting into random songs. Pirates sing chanteys not songs. Of particular use are the charts on verb conjugating, how to make up your own swearing phrase, pirate to Yiddish dictionary, and hot spots in Tortuga to find your rum. You also get useful tips on what you should do if you are tagged with the black spot from a pirate, the use of parley, and of course rum filled wenchery fun.Great addition to the Gov't Manual series by these two. I'm eagerly awaiting more. Remember, pirates are found at places like Cockroach Island, not Rainbow Pony Cove. And beware of Cuthbert St Cadbury.
  •     Good for all ages. Only wish it had a bit more content, most chapters just start going then abruptly end. would recommend to any one, even a ninja.
  •     Finally the government issues a document for all displaced individuals needing to retool after the last financial crisis! Perhaps ye thought yer ship has sailed, but never worry me hearties! This step-by-step guide will prepare you for current employment realities! Time and tide wait for no man!
  •     Ok, it was the opening of the book that caught my attention. Being told that if you bought this book you need to give up on being a pirate right off is a wonderful touch. Yes, this book pokes fun at the Pirate lifestyle; heck, pirates poke fun at the pirate lifestyle. Happy reading!
  •     Have you, too, "always had a lub/hate relationship with land"? Looking for a reliable listing of the best shops and restaurants on Tortuga, or the best and worst names for your ship? Wondering just how necessary the beard and eye patch are, really? If you're looking for an authentic guide to pirates, don't waste your money on loud, garish, plotless pirate movies that leave you feeling dizzy and unfulfilled; TGMNP is a *far*, *far*, farrrrrr better use of your time and money! It is cleverly written in easy-to-read Piratese, guffaw-inducing until the last page, and more importantly, chock full 'o helpful advice. For example, it served as inspiration for my new pirate a cappella group, Treble on the High C's... I also particularly enjoyed the Pirate/Yiddish dictionary and Pirate Cursing cheatsheet - A billion blisterin' barnacles on a blasted blue bialy to anyone who doesn't have the good sense to buy this book!
  •     Hilarious up until the final plank-walk. I don't know how much rum these guys consumed, but this was a crazy, rollicking, and surprisingly informative tour through every nook and...
  •     The GMNP is not for the faint of heart, real pirates, or ninjas. It cannot be described as a book about boy meets girl; girl rejects boy; boy makes girl walk plank.
  •     I've read, watched and heard a LOT of pirate non-fiction, fiction and parodies over the years, and was skeptical about what this slight tome. But the authors not only parody historical pirates, but the large body of pirate fiction, including the recent Pirates of the Caribbean movies with a very light touch -- if you don't know the source material being parodied, it's just purely funny stuff.Honestly, I didn't expect the humor to be so well done or the writing to be so good. This is a tasty little treat for pirate enthusiasts.
  •     Witty, funny, and highly entertaining! Love it. I got it 'cuz I'm a PotC fan, and wasn't disappointed! Great gift for a youngster/teen that's infatuated with piratical ways!

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